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[closed - Caden]

She feels guilty.

Lying in Caden's bed, that's the thing she keeps coming back to, the thing she doesn't know what to do with. She can't remember the last time she felt anything even close to resembling guilt and as she lies here and stares up at the ceiling, she realizes she isn't sure what to do with that. Siren Cove was supposed to be nothing more than a stop, a place to play for a little while before she continued onto another city, another population to fuck with, another way to make some quick cash.

But here she is. Nearly a year later, she's still here and for the first time in her life she actually feels guilty about her actions.

They were awful. She's done terrible things to people before, she's manipulated them and broke them, she's stolen tens of thousands of dollars and ruined lives, but it's never been without some kind of reason. The men she steals from often make their money in their own dishonest ways. The marriages she destroys should have crumbled a long time ago and giving the women infidelity as a cause for divorce puts them in a far better position. She doesn't think of herself as a good person, she's not doing anyone any favours, but she's never gone out of her way to hurt people she cares about.

And now she owes a lot of apologies. Spencer and Joel, obviously, but even more pressing is Caden. She'd been so cruel to him, said things she can't quite explain and when she thinks about the woman she's been for the past two weeks, she has to wonder. Is that what she's destined to become eventually if she doesn't rein herself in somehow? Is that the path she's eventually going to travel?

And if it is, why does it bother her so deeply to think that might be the case?

With a soft sigh, she pushes back the blankets from the bed and gets up, dressing quickly in a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. She ties her hair back and wanders out of the bedroom, following the smell of coffee to where she knows she'll find Caden in the kitchen.

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There's a spike of anger in her heart then, fury directed at both her parents. Robert is here now, trying so damn hard to make amends and he can have her name cleared, he can send men after those who have come after her, but nothing he does will ever fix the damage done to her as a child. He can't go back and hold her as a baby, make her feel loved and safe. She's done enough reading to know what it does to a person when they're not held as a baby, when they're not given any sort of affection. She knows what it turns people into and Robert might not be the only one at fault, but he's the only one of her parents left alive and for a bright, burning moment, she hates him more than she's ever hated anyone.

"The first relationship I was in ended when he decided he was scared of me. Scared of what I was," she says, choosing her words carefully. "The second relationship I was in ended when he decided he was in love with my half-sister. I've never been the one to leave."

She pauses, looking at Caden. "I know just my being here isn't enough, but you have to understand what just being here is for me. I can work on the rest, but this part, not walking away, not going to find solace in someone else, that's... a big thing for me."

Caden listens to her as she speaks, frowning in concern and then nodding slightly and looking down into his cup, watching the colors shift as the creamer swirls around the surface. For a moment, he feels frustrated. He'd give anything to hear the words, to have April actually say that she cares about him, and she wants him to stay, but that isn't what he gets, not really.

But she's right. Her being here, sitting across from him right now, is a big deal for her. It means a great deal, and he tries to tell himself that the words aren't important. Caden feels hope and sadness both scrambling for purchase inside of him, one trying to overpower the other, and he isn't sure which is winning.

All of Caden's relationships have been relatively normal and healthy, aside from one guy who was a little too into his money, and a woman who didn't really want to take no for an answer when Caden wanted to end things, but there hasn't really been too much drama. None of them were particularly serious, either. Caden was always just sort of waiting for the right person. He thought he would meet them and they'd fall in love and it would be easy. It was an incredibly naive notion.

He thinks he's met the right person, but he doesn't know if she loves him. He doesn't know if she can, and none of this easy.

"I appreciate that," Caden says after a moment, voice thick with a emotion. There's so much he wants to say, but he's still so afraid of saying the wrong thing and driving her away. It seems less likely now, but it's still a possibility. "I'm sorry you were hurt, but I'm not them, April. I think your siren form is beautiful, and I haven't so much as looked at anyone else in a very long time. I'm not afraid of you, and I'm not going to leave. If it takes time to prove that to you, then that's what I'll do."

"That isn't what I'm saying. I know you're not them. If I thought for a second there was a chance you were going to do what Les did, I wouldn't be here at all," she says, looking up and meeting his gaze. It's about more than having just been hurt and she knows he probably won't be able to understand that. He has a good family, parents who cared about him. She had being left to cry herself hoarse while her mother shot up and then filthy foster homes where no one had looked at her.

And she doesn't want to blame everything on that, but she's never bothered trying to deal with any of that before. Now that she is, it's difficult.

"I don't need you to prove anything to me," she says. "I trust you, Caden. I like you. And I like being with you, but I'm not that person who's ever going to have any easy time with deeply emotional conversations. I can try and I'm sure things can get better, but it's never going to change completely." She pauses then, and looks at him. "And would you want me to?"

"Of course I don't want you to change, April. I - " He swallows hard, because he was about to say something very telling. He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. "I just wanted to know that this was real, and it meant something. I didn't want to be alone in that."

He smiles a little and looks down at his coffee, biting his lip and looking back up with slightly flushed cheeks. "I just - when someone asks me if I'm dating anyone, I want to be able to say yeah, her name's April and she's great."

Caden looks at her for a long time, and he wants to go over to her, but he finds himself stuck on the stool unable to get himself to move.

She's never asked him not to say that and she tilts her head, looking at him with a faint smile. "So what's stopping you?" she asks. "I mean, besides the obvious lie in that last part of the statement."

It isn't much of a joke, but it's a small attempt at some humour. No matter what Caden thinks, though, she knows she isn't great. Not the kind of great he deserves. She's beautiful and she's brilliant, but she's calculating and she's cold where he needs someone warm. She does try for him and she has no intention of being cruel to him, but it is work for her. It's work worth doing, though.

"You can say that, Caden, we're together," she says. "We have been for awhile now and that's not... it isn't something I'm afraid of."

Something in Caden relaxes, but he hates that she doesn't see the good in herself. After a moment, he slides off of his stool and comes around the island to stand in front of her, reaching up to cup her jaw and draw her in until he can press their foreheads together.

"That wasn't you," he says quietly. "The fact that you feel so badly about it proves that it wasn't you."

He presses a gentle kiss to her forehead and pulls back enough to look at her, smiling softly as he thumbs at her jaw. "You've had a life I wouldn't wish on anyone, April, and you've come out of it as this incredibly strong, capable person." He slides his hand down to rest against her chest, just over her heart. "And there is good in you. Even if you can't see it, I can. I can feel it when we're together. Maybe the person you were under the spell is someone you could have been if you had let the darkness and hatred take control and twist you into something cold, but you didn't. You fought it. You aren't her."

Caden smiles and takes her hand, bringing it up to rest against his own chest. "I trust you, April. And I trust you with my heart."

That's scary, the sort of responsibility she would have normally run from. Unless she was working a con, if a man had said something like that to her, April would have found a reason to leave. She would have made up a story, something believable, something that wouldn't just leave him hurting for no reason, but she would have gotten out of this situation as fast as humanly possible.

Instead she leans in and kisses Caden once, softly, then sits back in her chair again. She doesn't think she's nearly as good as he's making her out to be, but maybe that's what this sort of thing does to people. Maybe it makes it easier for them to see the good in others.

"I trust you," she says and she finds it's the truth.

Caden's breath catches a little at the words because coming from April, that's huge. He knows that her trust is a carefully guarded that that isn't easily earned, and to have that trust, to have her actually say it, means the world to him. He smiles warmly and nods, cupping her cheek and leaning in to kiss her again.

He just feels so happy of a sudden, truly happy for the first time since the spell started. A relieved sigh escapes him and he wraps his arms around her, sliding one hand underneath her so he can lift her easily from the stool in a way that means she has to wrap her legs around his waist as he stands up straight.

A soft chuckle escapes him and he kisses her again, soft and slow, and holds her close to him while pressing their foreheads together. "Thank you."

She laces her hands behind his neck and lets out a soft laugh, then tilts her head to look at him. "Do you feel better now?" She does and doesn't. Caden isn't the only person she has to apologize to, but she's sure he's the one she's hurt the most. There are other people she needs to speak to, but at least for the moment they can wait. Neither of them have slept well or, in Caden's case, at all and if he's feeling better she thinks they should likely take the day off.

"You should probably get some sleep," she says. "Since you apparently didn't get any last night."

She doesn't think she'd mind going back to bed and falling asleep for a little while longer. She'll sleep better now, she thinks.

"I do," Caden replies, sliding his hand up and down her back and looking at her with concern. He knows that he isn't the only one that April hurt while under the spell. "Do you? It'll all be okay, you know. I'm sure they know it wasn't you."

He sets her down and kisses her again, going over to turn off the coffee pot and turn out all the lights. Once he's done, he takes her hand and leads her towards the bedroom. "I feel like I'm getting a second wind, but I'll try. As long as you come with me."

But he didn't. There's no reason for Spencer to trust anything she has to say when even Caden doubted her, but she only smiles and nods. "I'll talk to Spencer at the baby shower, I guess," she says. Assuming it's still on. She's had her invitation for nearly a month already and she's gone back and forth between attending and taking a pass, but now she thinks she has to go. She has to apologize.

"I think I could do with sleeping for another few hours," she says with a soft laugh, letting him lead her. "What I got wasn't exactly what you'd call restful."

"Look at it this way. You gave them a second chance at another great love story," Caden tells her, shutting the bedroom door and turning to smile at her. "They might even appreciate that."

He pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it into the hamper before slipping out of his pants, leaving him in his boxer briefs as he goes over to the bed and lays back on it, stretching his arms up over his head as he gets comfortable. April is standing at the end of the bed and Caden smiles at her, moving over a bit and holding his hand out to her.

She climbs into the bed beside him, stretches out on her stomach and pushes her arms under the pillow so she can bury her face in it for a moment. Now that they're lying here, she can feel the lack of sleep catching up with her. Maybe that's the guilt, maybe it's something else, but she still doesn't like it much. It's exhausting.

And the bed is comfortable and warm. At least here she no longer feels terrible about the things she's done.

Caden wants to pull her into his arms, but she looks like she's made herself comfortable. He watches her for a long moment and leans over to rest his large hand at the small of her back, ducking his head to press a kiss to her shoulder through the thin shirt.

"I missed you," he says quietly, kissing the back of her neck and resting his forehead against her shoulder before he rolls onto his back again, pulling the sheet up over his legs.

She doesn't know what to say to that. She knows she's just promised to try harder for him, but the entire experience is just so fresh that she really doesn't know what to say. Instead when he rolls onto his back, she shifts over from where she's lying, pressing herself against his side and closing her eyes as she rests her cheek against his shoulder.

This is all still so new to her, but this, at least, is something she can do. She can close her eyes and let herself relax against him and feel like she isn't playing at some game or that she's imposter. She feels enough like herself.

It doesn't bother him that she doesn't reply. He knows that their talk was a lot for her, and he isn't going to push the issue. He feels a lot better about everything, and his mind might finally quiet down enough to get to rest. He didn't sleep well during the spell either, too worried about his future.

She turns in to curl against his side and Caden smiles sleepily, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and tipping her head up to give her another soft kiss, lingering for a moment and then pressing their foreheads together before relaxing against the bed, turned in slightly towards her.

He pulls the blankets up over them and slides his fingertips up and down her arm, smiling to himself as he closes his eyes against the gray morning light filtering in through the window.

As far as he knows, neither of them have anywhere they absolutely have to be today and he's absolutely content to spend it with her, just like this.

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[closed - Caden]

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